Since I was little, I remember how hard for me it was to communicate with others. Everyone was saying how shy I was, so I hoped it would change. I thought I can learn about social skills or at least have a few close friends. Still, it was hard for me to share this even with my family. I couldn’t talk to anybody about it. That bothered me even more. I heard how talking with others can help, they can give you an advice, or just make you feel understood.
Later, I realized that I have a hard time connecting with others. I never felt a deep connection with anyone, and it started to bother me. How can I live like this forever? Every human being needs a social life, other people whom he can trust. Being comfortable with others, makes us feel accepted and understood. I feel like no one could understand me, and love me for who I am. It was upsetting and it still is. Can that be changed?
I spent a lot of time thinking about the causes and how to fix them. Books and the internet were my sources, as well as my own thoughts. From the start, I knew what was holding me back the most, but it was engraved in me. It was a deep fear, fear of rejection. It was something that occupied my mind all the time. Whenever I tried to have a conversation, I could barely think about anything else. Is that person even listening to me? Does she think I am weird? Why would she find me interesting? Those questions were always on my mind like they were haunting me. The lack of confidence was not of any help either. It showed me how small my self-worth was. If you don’t like yourself, how can others like you?
Another thing I realized was the way of thinking. There were more negative thoughts than positive ones, in my head. I would always focus on the bad sides of things, rather than good. I don’t know why it was like that, but it was. Every situation I found myself in, I would rate as awkward and weird. Besides that, I tend to see only negative in people’s reaction. They smiled – oh, it was a forceful smile. He looked at me – maybe my zip is open, or he finds me weird-looking. Maybe that was true, but maybe it was not. Actually, that doesn’t matter that much. My perspective is what matters, and it should be charged.
Dealing with our thoughts and emotions can be tough, but there are people who can help with that. I am not the only one going through this, many people are. We shouldn’t let it take over our lives, we should be the ones controlling it. What we need, is a little help. Our inner world is delicate and it requires dedication. The ones that know how that world works, are professionals. There is no shame in asking for their help.